Posts tagged dear diary
I started working out again in the mornings, just a little easy yoga and Pilates but I’m like damn. Even if it does nothing to help me get healthier/stronger/etc it sure makes me feel more positive about the day.
Also I made a big pitcher of lemon water today, A+, very refreshing.
Settling in to the old heavy melancholy again but at least this feeling is recognizable, dependable, and most importantly predictable.
I’ve seen and done so many things and frankly the enormity of a lot of it has been lost on me in the moment and I often look back and wish I’d appreciated the grandness, and excitement, and exhilaration of it all much more. I spend most of my time restless and bored with my current situation and wishing for new things, anything, something shocking or awful, just something—anything to make me feel again.
I wish I’d reminded myself more that money isn’t real and fuck it. I wish I’d spent less time focused on dead and decaying relationships and more time appreciating people who would later turn out to be so valuable to me. I guess what I’m saying is that I will never, ever, do that again, and maybe that’s positive but its feeling awfully nostalgic right now and I think I need to go bake some cookies and fucking cope.
Instantly likes every picture of plants that exists on the internet but believes I couldn’t survive outside of the city.
about all the events I agreed to do with Sweet as the South coming up in the next few weeks. Can I bake that many things in one weekend? Am I even going to make money off of this? Being jobless, I certainly can’t afford to LOSE money. HOW DO YOU PLAN FOR AN EVENT? How many treats should I bake?! I’m feeling very nervous and hopeless about this whole endeavor and kind of wanting to hide in a hole and never come out. I feel so out of my element. HALP.
Pushing through depression to accomplish my goals is maybe one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
Sometimes it’s all that I can do just to not let myself throw in the towel, let alone push things along and further the bakery. I think I take set backs in the business much harder than the average person but dammit I’m trying.
There’s a lot of starting and stopping and taking breaks for my mind to catch up to my ambitions and I worry all the time about whether or not these breaks are going to eventually cause the business to fail.
How do you make friends as an adult with people who you think from afar are super cool when you have no real reason to talk to them?
gotten a job at a vegan pizzeria as a part time baker and driver. And I’m so nervous/stoked that I feel like I might throw up or pee myself or both at the same time.
ALSO: To continue my weekly list making of positive things:
Everyday is more difficult to weather than the last and every morning I wake up feeling like vomiting and crying and retreating deep down back into the covers with my kitten. I just want to change my name and move somewhere else and start over. And get a dog.
